"We're losing him! Quick, bring me an IV!"
My eyes felt as if they were made of lead, but somehow, I managed to pry them open. Everything was blurry and moving in slow motion. There were people, or at least I thought they were people, wearing white scrubs and shouting orders. Confused, I tried to prop myself up on my elbow, but a jarring pain sent bright flashes across my vision.
"Whoa there son! Just lay down, you've lost a lot of blood!" Said a blurred figure above me.
"What?" I asked, but was ignored, my head began to pound, and black rings started to cloud my vision. I felt so tired, perhaps if I just closed my eyes....
It was dark, but it wasn't the menacing type of darkness. There was also a muted beeping sound constantly going on in the background.
"Where the fuck am I?" I thought. I tried to sit up and became aware of my immobility. "And why the fuck can't I move?!"
My head began to pound again, I noticed the beeping accelerate. Next thing I know, there's pounding footsteps and loud voices, though they were incomprehensible. I felt a slight pressure on what I assumed would be the inside of my elbow. The tightness I hadn't known was there, was suddenly relieved and my muscles relaxed. With this sudden light feeling spreading through my body, I opened my eyes. Groaning, I turned my head to the side. There was someone sitting beside me, it was a dark figure, for a moment I felt like I was drenched in cold water, fear seized me! Great, death was here for me. But my eyes focused and I saw that it was him. It was Jinxx! As I realized this, the medication took over my body once again, I become aware of the frantic beeping, like the sound of a bird beating it's wings as it lays broken and wounded on the ground. This resumed until the beeping turned into a single endless drone.
"Guys!" An excited voice broke through my dreamless sleep. "I think he's waking up!"
Hey, I know that voice! I struggled to open my eyes, and when I did, bright florescent lights scorched my corneas. After adjusting, I noticed I was surrounded by my fellow band members. They leaned towards me, grins plastered on all their faces.
"Ash! You're finally awake!" CC shouted, causing my head to throb a bit. I smiled weakly.
"Hey guys!" I whispered, Andy shoved himself up in my face, his blue eyes wide.
"Ash!" He said in that deep voice that didn't seem to match his personality. "You scared the shit out of us!"
"Yeah!" Jake chimed in. "You nearly DIED!"
"Do you know how much blood you lost!" Jinxx seemed to explode. "You had me-- I mean US, worried sick!"
The guys stared at Jinxx in awe. Usually he was the one with the level head. Always mothering us and keeping everyone in line. To see this totally different side of him was a shocker. His sudden outburst seemed to scare the guys into submission. Andy backed away and looked seriously at me.
"Jinxx is right, they classified it as a Class IV Hemorrhage."
I had no idea what that was, but it sounded serious.
"Mind telling me what happened?" I asked. "I can't remember much after I blacked out."
Jinxx nodded. "The paramedics found you in a pool, and I literally mean A POOL of your blood! It was soaked into your carpet, your hair, everywhere." His voice became quiet and he looked away from me. "You were paler than a sheet. Practically the color of ashes. Your lips were blue and I could see your veins...excuse me, I told Sammi I'd call when you woke up." With that, he walked brusquely out of the room.
"Weird..." Andy said and rubbed the back of his head. "Anyways, the paramedics had to fly you to the hospital and find donors to replace all the blood you lost. You've been out for almost a week."
"Oh..." The sudden realization of what had actually happened hit me like a dead weight. Jinxx walked back in, though I tried to catch his stare, he wouldn't meet my eye. What's up with him? I wondered to myself. "Well do you know when I'll be able to leave?"
At this, CC, who had remained silent most of the time, shouted. "Yeah! Tomorrow! Enough time to recover your strength and go to the party with us!"
"Party?" I asked.
"Wow, you really don't remember do you?" I shook my head. "The costume party! Jinxx invited all of us, do you remember now?" He tapped his knuckles lightly against my head.
"OW! You jerk!" I shouted and rubbed my sore head.
"Oops!" CC backed away and hid his hands behind his back. "Sorry! I'll just be...uh, going now!" He dashed out of the room.
"Sorry about CC." Jake sat down on the foot of the bed. "You know how he his."
"Yeah, it's okay."
"So there's something I've been meaning to ask you." Jake said, though a bit quieter.
"Why...why did you call Jinxx instead of an ambulance?"
My eyes flashed to Jinxx, though he was pretending not to listen, I could tell by the way he was twisting his wedding ring, like it was bothersome, like a shackle tying him to something/ someone unpleasant, that my answer mattered to him.
"I don't know..." I looked down at my hands.
"I have to go!" Jinxx's outburst making me jump, he stormed out of the room.
"Seriously, what is up with him? Lately he's been acting all weird and jumpy." Andy murmured.
"Um...guys I'm kinda tired" I hinted "do you think...?"
"Oh sure!" Jake stood up. "The nurse said you'd be tired. Come on Andy." He tugged on Andy's shirt and led him to the door.
"Bye Ash!" Andy waved as Jake pulled him out the door. "Get well!"
I let out a huge sigh and relaxed, I was finally alone with only the beeping of my heart monitor to keep me company. I glanced around the room, have I mentioned how much I hate hospitals? If I were to describe everything from the white walls, tiles, and bed sheets. I would call it cold. They always smelled of disinfectant and they left a slight metallic taste in the back of my mouth. Not to mention that you could hear people moaning and suffering. I shivered and wrapped the thin white blanket around my shoulders.
Jake's last question echoed in my mind. "I don't know" had been my answer. But the truth was...I wanted to hear his voice. If I was going to die, I wanted it to be his voice that I heard before my heart stopped beating... Ah I'm so pitiful I thought sadly. Pining over a straight man and a married one at that! No, it isn't right! I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears. Why was I always such a mess when I thought about him?
I walked out of the hospital and into the warm sunlight. My hands, frozen solid from the constant artic air that was constantly blown through the A/C system, began to thaw. The guys were all waiting in the parking lot to drive me home. When they saw me, they let out a series of hoots and hollers. CC opened the door for me.
"What's with the cast?" He asked when I was seated between him and Jake.
"I dislocated me shoulder when I fell, oh and I got thirty-seven stitches in my head."
"Do you think you'll be fine in time for the party?" Jake asked.
"Doc said I should be able to take the cast off in a few days, and I have to come back next month to get my stitches removed. I just can't drink for a while."
"Alrighty then!" Andy pumped his fist in the air as he drove out of the hospital parking lot.
"Hey Ash?" Jinxx asked, sounding like his usual self.
"You sure you want to go back home?" He turned around and looked at me. "It's still a mess. We cleaned up as much as we could, but the things like your couch and carpet are permanently stained."
"...Well yeah, I'm gonna have to go back sooner or later right?"
The guys hadn't been kidding when they said my house was a mess. My furniture had been thrown aside, there was broken glass from where a table had been shoved aside, knocking over a vase with flowers, which now lay limp and dead on the white marble. The white couch where I had fallen was stained a pinkish brown color. I turned in a slow circle, my eyes landed on the staircase, silently, I made my way to the second floor.
The door to my room was slightly ajar, cautiously, I pushed it open and took in the disaster that once was my room. My huge four-poster bed was on its side against the wall, there were empty plastic bags that had probably been discarded by the paramedics. Bloody towels lay in a pile behind my door. I couldn't even recognize it anymore, it didn't feel mine. The one place in this empty house that had felt most comfortable in, had been taken away. I looked down, the crowning piece to it all. A huge rusty brown, misshapen circle covered a big portion of my once pristine carpet. I felt sick, I felt angry, I felt sad. I backed out of the room and bumped into Jinxx. He stood in front of the guys, his eyes unreadable. Behind him, Andy, CC, and Jake looked at me as if I were a bomb about to explode. I looked back to Jinxx. In that moment, I hated him. He was the reason this had happened! I shouldered my way through the wall of my band members and stormed down the stairs. With a sort of urgency, I began to replace all my furniture to its rightful place. Andy, Jake, Jinxx, and CC looked at me from the top of the stairs, then they looked at themselves. Andy nodded in response to an unasked question.
"Ashley? You okay?"
"I'm fine." I grunted, and went into the kitchen to get a broom and dustpan. "I just need to clean this up."
"I'm said I'm fine!" I snapped, and began to sweep up the broken glass and dead flowers.
"Ash..." Even CC, the happiest person I knew, sounded worried. I just couldn't take it anymore.
"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" I shouted.
They trickled down the stairs and out the door. Jinxx was the last one to leave. He looked over his shoulder and gave me a look full of pity, then closed the door behind him and just like that, he was gone.
"ARRRGH!" I screamed and threw the broom at the wall, I grabbed the couch cushions and flung them about, ripping and smashing everything in site. Using my one good hand, I picked up the already broken table, lugged it up the stairs, and threw it over the banister. Watching gleefully as it splintered into hundreds of pieces.
"Heeheehee!" I giggled madly and stared over the banister. I could do it I thought. I could do it I swung one leg over the cold iron and gripped the cold metal with clenched hands, then realizing what I was doing, quickly swung my leg back and walked away from the stairs. That would have been stupid. I sat on the floor and drew my knees up to my chin. I hid my head behind my arms and took a couple of deep breaths. When I felt more in control, I got up and began to clean the mess I had made. When I was done, I sat on the battered couch and contemplated about what I had done.
It hadn't been about my room. No. It had been about Jinxx. I hated him. I hated him so much!...No, that was wrong too. I couldn't hate Jinxx. I hated myself. I hated myself for falling in love with him. Why couldn't it have been someone else? I couldn't love him, he couldn't, and wouldn't, love me. Not ever. Sighing, I got up from the couch and went upstairs into one of the guest bedrooms. I lay down in the single bed and drew the green blanket around myself. Tomorrow I'd begin renovating my house. It was time to move on. This time for good.