I was trapped in that limbo state of sleep where you're half asleep and half awake. I could feel my every movement, understand my every thought, even occasionally open my eyes and survey the room even if I had no control over my limbs. TRAUMA DEVILLE was like background music to this torturous state. When TRAUMA DEVILLE stopped, one of Davey's earlier bands, Gold Mind Squad, began. One & Only began exactly as Jinxx walked through my bedroom door. Due to my state of semi-consciousness, or unconsciousness, I couldn't tell if it was the real Jinxx or just an imitation concocted by my brain. Either way, this was the perfect song for this half, dream-like reality I was in.
"Seems so lonely, in my head tonight. Got me thinking, something isn't right. I taste the words on, the tip of my tongue. Something keeps them in, I'm wondering..."
Jinxx walked up to the bed holding a thick manila folder, his smile was tight, but his eyes radiated pure joy. "Ash, Ash are you awake?"
I managed a sleepy grumbled and pushed my too-heavy body into a sitting position. My head was pounding as if I'd been drinking all night and my mouth felt like sandpaper. "Wh-what?" I croaked.
"And when I look into your eyes, you make me feel alive, and I'm not lonely anymore."
"She signed them, Ash!" I could barely comprehend his excited whisper. Instead, my attention was on the words of the song and the moment occurring before my eyes.
"You're too good to be, everything that I see" I reached out and touched his cheek with my fingertips to reassure myself that he was actually here. "Still I want you to be, my One & Only"
Jinxx stopped talking when the tips of my fingers skimmed his jaw. "This is our song." I whispered absent mindedly. "Something in the way, your lips touch my face," Jinxx cocked his head to the side, listening to the words, leaning forward, he kissed my cheek with his soft lips. "The way you make my heart race, my One & Only"
With my heart beating a thousand times per second, I leaned into his chest, sighing in relief when I felt his arms wrap around me and hug me tight. "I'm a free man now." He whispered. "I'm free from her, Ash. We can be together now."
He was shaking, it wasn't until something wet landed on my face that I realized he was...crying? I pulled away, sure enough, silver tears dripped from his eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb.
"Normally, it's me who's crying. You little pansy." I joked and took him into my arms.
"Shut up, Ash." He murmured from his spot against my chest. "Who is this band anyway?"
"Gold Mind Squad." I answered and began to sing along. "I never believed that someone like me, could be so naked with someone like you." Here, I changed green to blue. "Blue eyes and diamonds, like stars in the sky. I wished on the first one shooting tonight."
"This is totally our song." He pushed against me so that we were both laying down.
"Still I cannot believe as I listen to you breathe, that you're lying next to me, baby!"
Jinxx's warm breath tickled my face as he maneuvered his body over mine. He wanted to take advantage of the situation, but I'd let him lead too many times. I rolled over so that he was pinned underneath me. I entwined our hands and gazed down at him, this man had taken up such a large portion of my life, I couldn't even imagine my life without him anymore.
"I can't believe you're actually mine." I whispered breathily as I leaned down and nuzzled the warmth of his neck.
"I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world." Jinxx whispered back.
Sitting up, I began the arduous task for tonight. Jinxx, except for his blue mask and hat, was still in full costume. Black tail coat, sapphire-blue vest, and a crisp white shirt. So many buttons. I clucked my tongue, but took great pleasure in undoing the first set of buttons. When the coat and vest were out of the way, smooth, and cool to the touch, were the small silver buttons I had seen in my dreams so many times before. As my fingers undid button after button, horror began to fill my chest. With shaking hands, I undid the last of them and looked at the painful scene before me.
Even in the dark blue of the night, Jinxx's skin seemed to glow, allowing me to faintly see the cuts and shallow scratches that marked his chest. I skimmed my hand across his bare skin, feeling the raised skin.
"Oh, Jinxx..." I whispered hoarsely.
"I'm okay." He reassured me.
No wonder the smile had been forced! "Flip over." I instructed him and climbed off. The tone in my voice assured him that I wasn't playing, and he did so without protest.
I gasped. His back was covered with bruises, crescent shaped markings, and more scratches. I stood up and flung open the curtain to my bed and switched on the lamp beside the bed. Wordlessly, I walked to the bathroom and got some antiseptic cream. Jinxx remained laying on his stomach, watching me from the bed. I squeezed some cream onto my finger and gently pressed it onto a scratch. Jinxx's back tensed, but he remained quiet.
"She's crazy, Jinxx."
"Yeah, I know."
"How did this even happen!" Anger seeping into my voice.
He was quiet for a moment. "I was with her all day, she wanted me to--" he choked on his words. "She wanted me to have sex with her."
My hands froze. "D-did you?"
"I tried to fight her off, Ash. Believe me, but she went wild, throwing vases and clawing at me. One of her vases hit home, I was knocked out for hours..." Jinxx was shaking now, and I began to notice smaller details, like the bruising around his wrists, his chapped and split lip.
"No, no, no! Jinxx, oh god no!" The full effect of his indirect confession struck me like a wall of bricks. He was full on sobbing into the pillows now. Have you ever seen a grown man cry? More importantly, the man you love cry after he tells you that he was hurt in the worst of ways? It was terrible, I felt like I had been harpooned through the chest.
I stroked his hair, waiting for him to let it out. You can't rush a person into forgetting something like that. No, instead I sat beside him while he told me the rest of the story, at least what he could remember. Meanwhile, it was all I could do not to walk out of the house and strangle Sammi, how dare she! She might be a sociopath, but this was crossing the line!
"So when I woke up, it was done, she was laying beside me rubbing circles into her stomach." Jinxx finished.
"That bitch!" I spewed, slamming my hands on the bed in anger. "I'm so sorry Jinxx." I hugged him tight, trying to squeeze out all his pain. He clung to me like a small child. I didn't know what Sammi had planned, but I knew it wasn't good. Noting good could come of this.
"We need to get some rest." I switched off the lamp and covered us in the blanket. Tonight would not be the night for such things. I held him against my chest, careful not to press into his back or chest, and kissed his forehead and lips. Gold Mind Squad was long forgotten, I took my iPod, switched it off, and closed my heavy eyes.
I was flying through the clouds again. Water misting my skin, ahead of me, Jinxx's familiar figure coming in and out of sight as he flew. A tightness in my heart told me to pursue him. So I did. Propelling myself forward, I watched Jinxx turn from a dark speck, into the full blown man I loved.
I called out. He made no inclination to show that he had heard me. I reached out and grabbed him by the ankle. He stopped abruptly and faced me. It was the part of the dream where Jinxx usually let me fall. Instead, he looked as if he was seeing me for the first time. Piercing blue eyes wide.
"Ash?" Jinxx held me close.
"Please don't let me go!" I shouted over the sudden wind.
"Never. Just as long as you do the same for me." His dark hair whipped around his pale face, the corner of his mouth twitched upwards into a smile.
When I woke up the sky was still indigo and my chest felt light after such an amazing ending to my dream. Beside me, Jinxx was pressed tightly into my side. How could Sammi do something like that to such a wonderful man. I stroked his hair and disentangled myself from Jinxx. He mumbled something, but didn't wake up. As silently as I could, I crept out of my room and down the stairs, I needed some coffee. I was turning into the kitchen when a voice called out behind me.