The rustle of sheets, a few sleepy murmurs then the quiet resumes. A tall man, naked except for boxer-briefs. He picks up the rest of his clothes that are scattered around the room. As he heads towards the door he casts a sparing glance at the sleeping blonde entangled in the sheets. His brown eyes are filled with what can only be described as disdain and contempt. With a final sniff, he turns away and leaves the room.
I can't tell you how it started, because honestly, I don't know. And I can't tell you how it will end either, because we haven't gotten there yet, but if you stick around long enough, I can tell you what's happening now, and how I went from being the most miserable man in the world, to one of the most fortunate. So like someone very dear to my heart said, "The only certainty is that we never know what tomorrow holds. We live for today, life is short, so let's enjoy it together while we can."
The Los Angeles streets were covered with a thin film of despair, it was the norm for this time of day. Pimps, druggies, and the homeless were the only ones walking around at 6am. I tugged up the collar on my leather jacket, stuffed my hands in the pockets, and continued my amble towards my apartment complex. I knew the route by heart so I didn't have to think much, which was good. I didn't want to think right now. I liked the numb feeling, it was better than the stinging pain I felt when I saw the person I loved with someone else. Knowing they were forever unattainable. I shook my head. No. No use thinking about this now.
Upon arriving at my home, I locked the door behind me took in my luxurious, but meaningless surroundings. Almost everything from the walls to the furniture, were a crisp white. This pattern only interupted by the occasional black and blue decorations splattered here and there. In the center of the living space was a grand marble stairscase that led to several rooms, including my own, though most of them were empty. It was adorned by a heavy, black-iron banister. I climbed the spiral staircase to my room. I needed to shower. I felt dirty and disgusting, my skin felt sticky with whore sweat. After shrugging off my jacket, kicking off my boots, and taking everything else off I stepped into the enclosed, glass shower. I let the steaming hot water cleanse me, I scrubbed myself with minty soap until my whole body was pink and raw. Only then did I step out onto the shower matt and wrap a towel around my waist. After donning a clean pair of dark red boxer-briefs I let myself fall backwards onto my king size bed.
Staring at the ceiling, my mind began to wander into a dark place. Have you ever loved someone so much that it caused you physical pain? Those who have, know how badly it hurts, how the very thought of them makes you heart clench, it throbs painfully in you chest, you feel every heartbeat with your whole body, and every breath you take only makes it worse. I sighed and gathered the blanket around myself and created a cocoon of warmth. Squeezing my eyes shut didn't stop the tears, they slid down my cheeks and into the corners of my mouth, I fell into uneasy sleep with their bitter, salty taste in my mouth.
"Stars on the sidewalk, the feel of fresh air. While the sunset's a masterpiece, for all those to share..."
My phone was playing Trauma Deville, I wanted to turn it off, but it was lost in the labyrinth of the blanket. Oh well, it would turn off eventually. And it did, but unfortunately it started up almost immediately.
"Ugh!" I kicked off the blanket." What the fuck do they want!" grabbing the blanket, I shook it up and down trying to find my phone. At last, it flew out and landed on the carpet on the other side of my bed. I snatched it up and answered just as it began to ring for the third time. "What!" I shouted into the phone.
"Sheesh, someone's angry." I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"What do you want Andy?" I said coldly.
"I want a lot of things." His voice was excited and I could just imagine him, jumping up and down as he began to ramble. "More Batman figurines for example, I'm feeling pretty hungry so McDonalds sounds good right abou--"
"Andy!" I cut him off midsentence. "Get to the point!"
"Jinxx invited us to a costume party next week." He said bluntly.
I sighed heavily and rubbed my temples. "Okay..." then ended the call before he could say anything else. I sat down on the edge of my bed holding the phone between my hands and stared at the floor. I shouldn't have said yes, I knew that. My brain knew that it was a bad move, but even the thought of seeing him was enough to override my mind. I knew I was certain to see him! To see him smile, even if that smile wasn't directed at me. I got up and pulled on some cargo-shorts.
The white marble was shockingly cold against my bare feet as I walked down the stairs, sliding my hand along the black, iron banister. I walked into the kitchen and tapped the black-granite island once before opening the door to my pantry and grabbing one of the many bottles of Jack lined up on shelves. Bottle in hand, I walked through my living-room to the pool in my backyard. I slid the screen-door open and made my way to a cushioned lawn chair, after getting comfortable, I opened the bottle and took a long swig. The dark, amber liquid burning pleasantly as it went down my throat and settled in my stomach.
After having downed at least half the bottle I began to calm down. With the alcohol flowing through my brain, thoughts became muddled, harder to grasp. I relaxed and looked up at the sky. It was now around noon, and the California sky was clear, without a hint of the usual smog which turned it a dirty blue. I smiled drunkenly and closed my eyes, letting the sun kiss my skin. I was feeling drowsy even though I had just awakened, but I had no reason to stay up. So I let myself succumb to the wispy tendrils that promised heavy, dreamless sleep.
I was floating through the clouds, their enormous white shapes surrounding me. Cool water misted my skin. It was amazing up here! I inhaled deeply, the air was cold and strangely sweet. Ahead of me someone else was floating through the clouds, with arms stretched out to the side and toes pointed towards me. Occasionally they'd tip their hands and it would cause them to swerve in an elegant arch.
Hey!" I shouted trying to get their attention. "Hey you!" I willed myself to fly forward, for some reason, it was critical that I catch up to them. I reached out my hand and skimmed their shoe. Biting my lip in frustration I tensed my body and pushed forward. This time, I managed to grab ahold of their ankle, they came to an abrupt halt and spun around to face me, when I saw their face my whole dream shattered. I frantically reached out and clung to their white linen shirt. Small silver buttons held it closed except for the last three, which remained undone, giving me a peak of pale smooth skin. They looked at my hands clinging to their shirt, then at me. Scorn and disgust on their face. They placed their hand over mine and proceeded to tug me off.
"No!" I shouted. "I'll fall!" my voice was dry and hoarse. They didn't respond, only increased their attempt at pulling away from me. At last, my hand was forced away from the fabric. They held my hand for a split second before opening their hand and letting me fall to my death. Their figure grew smaller as I plummeted towards Earth. Tears burned my eyes and my mouth was open in a silent scream.
Gasping, I sat up! I clutched my chest, feeling my heart vibrate through my skin. Sobbing and gasping, I stood up and tried to walk inside, but my knees, still weak from the nightmare and already wobbly from the alcohol, buckled under my weight, sending me on a one-way collision with the ground. My shoulder smacked painfully against the light brown stone tile. My head fallowed suit, I heard a dull cracking sound and a shower of bright specks covered my vision. Black, red, and yellow spots made it impossible to see. I tried to get up, but I couldn't figure out how to move my hands or legs. Okay! Okay...I thought, just wait it out. Calm down and wait it out. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. After several minutes, the flashes of color weren't as intense. I opened my eyes, I was still on the ground, my shoulder and head felt like they'd been smashed with a sledge hammer. I tried to stand again and managed to at least sit up. Everything seemed to be in order, at least until I looked behind me and saw a dark red pool of blood spreading out. Then I became conscious of the warm trickling sensation going down the left side of my face. I touched my hand to my head, when I looked at it, it was covered in warm sticky blood. I stared at it, transfixed. It looked...beautiful, like red flowers blossoming in my hand. Then reasoning kicked in and I realized it was A LOT of blood. Using the wall as leverage, I clambered onto my feet and stumbled into the house, tripping over my own feet and falling onto my couch, leaving bloody stains on the white fabric. By now, I was breathing hard and everything came in and out of focus, but I needed to get to my phone, sliding onto the floor I crawled onto my hands and knees. Crawling up the stairs, leaving bloody handprints on the white marble. Once in my room, I grabbed my phone and shakily pressed the numbers.
It rang once, twice, three times, and I was about to hang up, but on the fourth ring they picked up. "Hello?" They said.
"Help! Blood" I croaked. "So much blood!" I shouted.
"Ashley? That you?"
"Help!" I shouted as my hand went limp and my head dropped to the floor. I could hear a panicked voice on the other line, but I no longer had the strength to speak.
As my own blood formed a crown around my head, I didn't think about everything I hadn't done. No. The only thing that I regreted was not telling him how much I loved him. How even a smile aimed in my direction sent my heart fluttering in my chest, that even the briefest touch set my skin aflame. Black dots clouded my vision, and I felt cold. So cold. I could practically feel death's lips on my skin. I stopped trying to stay awake and closed my eyes. Oh well...